5 Tips to Better Communication

By Susan Coates

When it comes to communicating, we can always use a few tips.  I recently spoke to a group of beautiful, hard-working women celebrating Administrative Professional's Day.  They were excited to be out of the office and enjoy a leisurely lunch.  I was asked to share some communication tips with these women.  Let me tell you, these women have it tough.  They work in the construction industry where it is male-dominated.  Now, don't get me wrong - I love men and this world would be really boring without them.  But, they're not the best communicators.  So, I was excited to share some tips I thought might help them - not with men - but with anyone.  Here they are:

1. Focus on the message, not the medium.   Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy when it comes time to communicate. We worry about ourselves and what our listener is thinking of us. Or when we’re the listener we get distracted by something else. Maybe their tie is crooked, or their hair is sticking up, or worse, they have bad breath. These types of distractions take away from the message. If we eliminate these distractions, it’s better for the listener, but if we’re the listener, we need to simply concentrate on the message, and not the medium. A great example of a listener being distracted by the medium is a Super Bowl commercial. It  shows a man in a job interview with a stain beside his tie on his white shirt. Every time he speaks, the stain talks loudly over him, so the interviewer is distracted.  Watch the commercial at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgtfC5LBAW4.  Remember to tune out those distractions and focus on the message at hand.

2.  Be clear in your message.  How often do we tell someone what we don't want them to do instead of what we want them to do?  The brain gets confused when you through that “don’t” in front of the task. Think about it. If I said "don't think about elephants," how quickly did an elephant pop up in your head.  If I keep saying "don't think about that elephant, especially that big pink one," would you struggle to keep it out of your thoughts?  Probably.  So, focus on what you want your listener to know or do instead of what you don't. It will avoid a lot of confusion.

3. Speak to express, not to impress. These words were spoken by my friend and a great speaker, Al Edington. He teaches the importance of effectively communicating by not trying to impress others. I experience this myself while working in a manufacturing plant several years ago. I was in a project planning meeting with several staff including the Director of Engineering. He was an incredibly intelligent man but seemed to think he had to remind us by using what he thought was an impressive vocabulary. After explaining a proposal, we all looked at each other in confusion. One brave engineer spoke up and said, “Would you mind repeating that . . . in English.” If you’re trying to impress your listener with big fancy words they don’t understand, are you really communicating effectively? Remember, speak to express, not to impress.

4. Learn to say no. Easier said than done, I know. But, learning to set limits it’s an effective time-management tool. If you take on work that you can't handle, that doesn't help anybody. Learn to say no. Here how. 1) Acknowledge the request. Be sure you understand what is being asked of you so to recognize the options you can offer. 2) Politely decline the request. You do not need to offer an explanation. Your response can as simple as, “I’m sorry, but I have a previous commitment and will be unable to fulfill your request.” 3) Offer alternate solutions. This is where you can come out looking like the champion. If you stop at 2, confrontation can arise and depending on who is asking, a political battle can ensue. However, if you offer alternate solutions, the heat is taken off you and onto the project or task being requested. For example, if you’re asked to stay late for work to complete a project before an 8am meeting the next day. You could offer alternate solutions such as recommending a co-worker to do the work or offer to come in early the next day to complete before 8am. Often times, it doesn’t have to be you that accomplishes the work. It’s just the work needs to get done and you are the first point of contact. Your handling of this situation tactfully will display self-respect while empowering you to be more in control of your time and project. Finally, remember step 4) define future requests. Often times we are the victim of someone else’s poor planning. Someone else’s procrastination becomes your emergency. By being proactive and taking control of your own time management, you can approach these procrastinators and remind them of your deadline. Nothing can replace self-respect. By respecting yourself and your time, others will respect you as well. As Dr. Phil says, ‘we train others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves.’ So, treat yourself well. You deserve it.

5. The final tip may seem obvious, but you would be surprised at how poorly we are at it. That is simply to listen. To listen means to stop talking. We all love to talk about ourselves, but it’s a challenge to stop and let others talk. If you can master this craft, everyone you will meet will think of you as their new best friend. Try it. You’ll be surprised.